Happily Ever After Doesn't Exist

I can hear the comments now...

"Elliot, way to start your newsletter on such a downer."

I get it.

On the surface, "Happily Ever After Doesn't Exist" sounds bleak.

Yet, when you understand the concept and install this mental model into your daily operating system, it's one of the most inspirational and motivational mindsets you can adopt.

I'll Be Happy When...

As a performance coach with over 10,000 client sessions under my belt, there isn't a day where I don't hear the phrase "I'll be happy when."

I'll be happy when I get my first big exit.

I'll be happy when I find my soul mate.

I'll be happy when I win the championship.

I'll be happy when I buy my dream house.

I'll be happy when my bank account hits 10 million bucks.

I've helped hundreds of high-performers reach these landmark moments...

...eight-figure exits, taking companies public, claiming UFC championships, reaching world's #1 poker player, winning Olympic medals...

...and do you know how many of those went on to live blissful lives with no more cares or worries?

Exactly 0.

In fact, we almost always address the feeling of emptiness and loss that individuals experience after losing the goal they've dedicated their entire life to accomplishing.

Achieving specific happiness milestones never leads to long-term satisfaction, and I don't use the word "never" lightly here. In my

decade-plus of working with the best in the world, I have never had a

client reach a goal and live happier ever after. And I never will.

When people feel unhappy, they tend to link that feeling to missing out on one specific thing and create a fantasy that once they achieve it, they can ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.

The bad news is that's not how it works.

Just look at lottery winners. They hit a score big enough for them, their family, and their friends to never need to worry about money again.

If anyone had a shot at having a happily ever after moment, it would be them. But we know this isn't what happens. Most end up flat broke with their relationships in shambles.

Throw Goals Out The Window?

Does this mean goals are useless or that goal setting is detrimental to long-term happiness?

Absolutely not.

They are an essential ingredient in the recipe, just not the only one.

Most people look at their long-term goals and believe that happiness will come from the number they can check off before they die.

The truth is that happiness comes from who you are and what you do in the moments in between goals, not from what you get and who you become once you achieve them. The goals are signposts telling you you're traveling in the right direction, not the destination itself.

No matter what you accomplish, no external event, award, accomplishment, or possession will grant eternal happiness once you have it.

Happiness is something you are, not something you get.

It means that you can discover happiness, success, and fulfillment right now instead of waiting for some fairy tale moment in the future.

It doesn't mean that you need to accept your current situation or shouldn't desire something more.

It's OK to want that beautiful house or a fancy car, to win it all, to sell your company for a massive amount, or to have stacks of cash in your bank account.

The problem comes when you defer happiness, health, and relationships to achieve those outcomes. The realization that achievement did not solve everything and that you just threw away years of happiness is one of the most tragic feelings in human existence.

Installing The Program

So, now that you understand the concept, how can you install it so it immediately impacts your life?

The first step is to permit yourself to be happy now.

Simple in theory, much more difficult in practice.

This doesn't even mean your goals need to change.

Yes, you can be happy now, take care of yourself, build solid relationships, AND achieve kick-ass things.

And the real secret? When you're happy now, you’re more likely to crush those big goals ahead.

Action Items

Answer the following questions:

What am I putting off doing now in the name of my future goals? What can I do TODAY to start returning those items to my life?

See you next week,
Elliot Roe