🔵 How To Say No

If you've achieved "high-performance" status in any given area, you've probably run into something I call...

...The Performance Dilemma.

This is when the more well-known you are for being effective, efficient, and exceptional, the more is asked of you.

Crush a few projects in a row in the corporate world, and you're likely to be first in line for the next one, getting it in addition to your regular workload.

Get fantastic results for your agency or coaching clients? Expect to be inundated with new applications as the news spreads.

Become known as a top expert in your field? Be prepared to be flooded with podcast requests and collaboration opportunities.

Be the person in your family who understands tech? You're now on call as the IT department for every issue that arises.

On the surface, this all sounds great (except the last one), and as a high performer, you probably love the challenge and jump on all these opportunities to take yourself to the next level.

That is, until your performance in your day-to-day tasks starts slipping with all your focus on the major project, your results for clients diminish as you're spread too thin, or you lose focus on your own business by being too involved in others.

Excellence requires focus, and breaking through from "great" to "elite" requires a conscious effort to defeat the Performance Dilemma.

Every yes comes with a cost of time, energy, and focus.

Just because you are good at something doesn't mean you should be the one to do it.

So, if you feel like you're performing at a high level, but aren't making the progress you think you should, the real issue might not be productivity, but permission.

You haven't given yourself permission to say no.

And until you do, you'll always feel scattered, overwhelmed, and off track even when you're working hard.

Let's dive into today's "How To Say No" playbook and regain the clarity and focus that's necessary to become truly elite.

Upgrade Playbook:
How To Say No

Step 1: Clarify What Matters

You can't say no confidently until you're clear on what you're protecting.

When your priorities are vague, everything feels urgent. But when you know what matters, no becomes easier. No, it's not a rejection, it's redirection.

Action:

Write down your top 3 priorities right now.

These could be personal (health, family, recovery), professional (key project, scaling a business), or relational (deepening a connection, growing a network).

Step 2: Audit Your Yeses

You can't fix what you don't see.

Most people say yes out of habit, without checking whether the request aligns with their goals. The first step is to pause and review where your energy is going.

"Yes" might feel generous in the moment, but it's often a deferred "no" to your long-term vision.

Action:

Look back over the past 7 days. Write down:

• Every meeting, task, favor, or commitment you said yes to

• Which ones moved you closer to your personal or professional goals

• Which ones drained you or distracted you

Now, with your priorities in mind, circle the "yeses" you would change to "no" if given the opportunity.

Step 3: Reprogram the Guilt

What's the number one reason you say "Yes" when you really want to say "No?"

Guilt.

Guilt from letting someone down.

Guilt from understanding it's a task you know you can handle.

Guilt from missing out on an opportunity that is legitimately great, when viewed in isolation.

That guilt often stems from old subconscious patterns, such as the need to please, fear of rejection, fear of letting others down, or tying your worth to being "helpful."

Action:

Reflect on this prompt in your journal or notes app:

• When I say yes, what am I afraid will happen if I say no?

• Where did I learn that saying no is bad/selfish/dangerous?

Then, write this reminder:

"Saying no isn't selfish. It's how I protect my energy, priorities, and purpose."

Read that before your next hdifficuit conversation.

Step 4: Build Your "No" Toolkit

Saying no doesn't have to be harsh. In fact, when done well, it builds trust and respect.

The key is to create a few go-to phrases you can use in the moment. Ones that are kind, clear, and aligned with your values.

Action:

Choose 1–2 of the following "soft no" templates to use this week:

• "I'd love to help, but I'm fully committed right now."

• "That's not something I can take on at the moment."

• "I'm flattered you thought of me. It's a no for now, but I hope it goes well."

Write them down. Practice saying them out loud.

The more you rehearse, the more natural they'll feel when it counts.

Bonus points if you come up with some phrases of your own.

Now, being able to say "No" to others is one thing, but what about being able to say no to yourself?

Your "No" Toolkit won't be complete without a process for saying "No" to yourself when you're internally pulled away from your top priorities.

Action:

When considering adding a task, project, or commitment to your stack, ask yourself the following questions:   

• "Is this essential and urgent?" Sometimes tasks may not be at the top of your priority list, but they are necessary nonetheless. If a pipe bursts in your basement, fixing the problem isn't on your priority list, but it just became a priority.

• "Does adding this to my workload impact and serve my biggest priorities in a significant way?"

If you answer "No" to either of these questions, then you know what you should do.

Step 5: Say No This Week

Clarity is great. Insight is powerful.

However, growth only occurs when you take action.

This week, you'll likely get a request, invitation, or opportunity that isn't aligned with your goals. And when it shows up, you'll be ready.

This is your rep. Your chance to set a boundary. To say no without apology, and reclaim your time and energy.

Action:

• Identify one low-priority request, commitment, or task you can say no to this week.

• Use one of your toolkit responses. Follow through with confidence.

• Take time to reflect on how it felt. Did it go well? Was the reaction what you expected? Was it easier or more complicated than you thought?

Because every no makes your next one easier.

Final Reflection

Saying no isn't about rejection. It's about protection.

You're protecting your energy, your vision, your time, and your integrity. Every no is a yes to something deeper.

When you master the skill of saying no, you stop living by default and start leading by design.

So here's your challenge:

What's one "No" you've been avoiding that would immediately create more space, focus, or freedom in your life?

Say it. Mean it. Own it.

Because the path to your best self is paved with powerful, intentional no's.

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