🔵 The tragic cost of burning dirty fuel

When clients are interviewing to work with me, the biggest objection that comes up is:

"Elliot, what happens if I lose my edge after doing this work?"

The fear is real. These are people who've built their success on intensity, on proving critics wrong, on channeling their pain into performance. They're terrified that if they heal their wounds, they'll become soft. Average. Just another person who "found themselves" and lost their competitive fire.

I understand this fear because I once shared it. But after watching client after client make the transition, I can tell you this: Your greatest performance is waiting on the other side of your need to prove yourself.

I recently appeared on Mike Brown's Money Stories Podcast, and we discussed the framing of Dirty Fuel Vs Clean Fuel, which I believe was created by Peter Corbett and popularized by David Spinks.

The Reality of Dirty Fuel

Let's be clear. Dirty fuel works. Most of the productive capacity in the world is powered by dirty fuel.

It's the energy that comes from:

• Proving your father wrong about you being worthless

• Escaping the poverty or criticism of your childhood

• Avoiding the shame of failure at all costs

• Compensating for deep feelings of inadequacy

I've seen this fuel propel people to extraordinary heights. It provides escape velocity from mediocrity. But here's what I've learned from thousands of sessions: dirty fuel has a performance ceiling.

The internal tension, the constant fight against yourself, creates micro-hesitations in crucial moments. You're playing not to lose rather than playing to win.

The problem with dirty fuel isn't that it doesn't work; it's that it prevents you from accessing your highest level of purpose and flow, where actual peak performance lives.

The Power of Clean Fuel

Let's look at the other side of the coin. Clean fuel is energy that comes from:

• Genuine love for your craft

• Curiosity about how good you can become

• Service to something larger than yourself

• The intrinsic satisfaction of excellence

Working with professional poker player Fedor Holz, we uncovered that he was "hiding his shine," holding back his full intelligence at the poker table because he'd been bullied in school for being smart. Once we worked through that pattern, something shifted. He stopped playing to prove he was intelligent enough and started playing because he loved the strategic complexity of the game.

The result? Over $50 million in tournament winnings and the number one ranking globally.

His technical skills didn't dramatically change. What changed was his internal state during crucial decisions. He moved from defensive play to offensive mastery.

The Flow State Connection

When your body's in tension, when you're fighting old battles in your head, you're not flowing. Your mind isn't working optimally. Peak performance requires present-moment awareness, and dirty fuel keeps part of your attention trapped in the past.

I've seen traders who regularly swing $100 million in a day perform dramatically better when they stop trading to prove their worth and start trading because they love reading market signals. The difference is attention. When you're not managing underlying anxiety about being enough, your full cognitive capacity is available for the task at hand.

Why Most High Performers Resist This Work

The resistance is understandable. You've built your identity around being driven, intense, and never satisfied. The idea of letting go feels like surrender. But what if I told you that what you think is your edge is actually what's limiting you?

I work with people who are already top 10 in the world at what they do. They come to me because they can feel they're holding something back. They're giving 95% instead of 100%, and in competition, that 5% is everything.

The difference between having an Olympic medal and not having one, between being number one and number ten, between a successful exit and a legendary one, often comes down to those moments when you need to access your absolute best. And your absolute best isn't available when you're fighting yourself.

The Transition Process

I'm not going to lie to you, this transition takes work. It involves delving deep into the moments that created your defensive patterns in the first place. Usually, it's childhood memories. "I felt my mom loved my sister more than me." "My teacher said I'd never amount to anything." "I was bullied for standing out."

As we process these memories and release the emotional charge, something interesting happens. The compulsive need to prove yourself starts to fade. And in its place, a different kind of motivation emerges. One based on genuine passion rather than fear.

Addressing the Edge Question Directly

But what about that killer instinct? That edge that got you here?

Let me share something:

The edge you're afraid of losing was never really yours. It belonged to your wounds.

Your actual edge, the one that can take you to genuine world-class performance, comes from a different place. It comes from leaning in to the aspects of your work that drive you at your core. It comes from the ability to stay present under pressure. To access flow states when it matters most. To make decisions based on clarity rather than compulsion.

I've never had a client lose their competitive drive after this work. Yes, the drive might send them in a different direction, but it's always a change for the better. What they lose is the exhaustion of constantly fighting themselves.

Where to Start

If you recognize yourself running primarily on dirty fuel, here's what I suggest:

• Audit your motivations. For one week, before any important task, ask yourself: "What am I trying to prove right now?" Just notice. Don't judge.

• Experiment with process focus. Choose one area and commit to focusing entirely on the quality of your execution rather than the outcome. See what changes.

• Consider getting help. If you recognize deep patterns here, they rarely shift through willpower alone. Whether it's working with me and my team or another modality that works with the subconscious, these things almost always require external assistance to see real change.

After working with world-class performers in nearly every industry imaginable, I can tell you that the ones who reach the absolute top, the ones who sustain excellence without burning out, they've all made this shift.

The question isn't whether you can afford to do this work. The question is, what regrets will you have at the end of your life if you spend the rest of it burning dirty fuel?

Your critics were wrong about you. You don't need to keep proving it. Your worth isn't contingent on your next achievement.

The performance you're capable of when you stop running from inadequacy and start moving toward mastery? That's a story I'm excited to read about one day.

To hear me talk more about this concept and much more, check out my appearance on Mike Brown's Money Stories Podcast.

See you next week,
Elliot Roe